Friday, August 24, 2012

Neighbor's 3-year old is seemingly home alone. What would you do?

It's been 24 hours and I just can't get this series of events out of my head. It left me feeling...disturbed. Bothered. Concerned.

Yesterday morning around 8:30, just as I was pulling Jonas out of his car seat to go back into the car, I saw a little girl running on the other side of the street in her nightgown, barefoot, running in the direction of a major 50 mph crossroad. I thought it was odd so when I saw that she was looking at me, I waved.

She looked like she had been crying and yelled to me from the opposite sidewalk that her mommy, daddy and grandpa were not home, then tried to cross the street. Of course, I ran to her and checked that cars were not approaching. I immediately recognized her as a little girl in Gabriel's class, guessing she must be around 3-4 years old.

I called Adrian to let him know what was going on, since he was inside getting ready and I figured that he would wonder what I was up to if he saw my car at the house but not me. The only thing I could think to do was leave a note and bring her back to my house, because let me tell you. If I walked into my house and some stranger was hanging out with my kids, I'm pretty sure I would lose my ish.

We walked in and I yelled out several times, but nothing. The whole situation was just bizarre. The little girl wanted to put clothes on and started stripping down. Mommy instinct kicked in so I helped her but at the back of my mind, I couldn't help but wonder what her parents would think if they walked in.

Luckily, a few minutes later the neighbor drove up and I ran out to question him about the parents. He was able to give me a phone number for the grandpa who lived across the street and when he came out to meet and speak with me, I was shocked to find out that the little girl's mother was upstairs asleep. I could tell by his tone and attitude that he was disgusted by the whole situation. He took her back to the house and the mother called me about 20 minutes later to apologize and thank me.

At the end of the day, the little girl is okay and maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. She was taken care of and everything worked out fine, but I just can't help but think of the "could-have-beens"... What if the person who found her had been some dirty perverted slimeball and not me? Or the drug cartel wanting to use her as a mule (we live 10 minutes from Mexico, it happens, as awful as it sounds)? Or what if she had made it to that road and was hit by a car?

So now the question begs, do I do anything about this? I honestly hadn't considered anything until after I spoke with my mom, who immediately asked if I was going to report the situation to CPS. My husband, on the other hand, sidles more on the edge of not getting involved in other peoples' business. I was thinking that maybe I would invite her over for a play date and try to get to know the family.

I feel for the mother - being a mom is exhausting and there are a million possible explanations for why she overslept like she did. Everybody makes mistakes; hell, parenting is all about trial and error. However, I can't imagine what I would feel if something happened to that sweet little girl, knowing that I had a weird feeling about the whole situation and didn't do anything.

So I ask, would you do anything? 
Or do you feel like my husband, that it doesn't concern our family?

20 comments:

  1. I dont know if you remember this situation or if I even ever told you it, but quite a few years ago I was driving to my moms house and saw a little girl, no older than two walking along the street by herself towards Wintergardens blvd. I immediately pulled over and RAN after her just in time to find her wandering onto Wintergardens. I picked her up and got her on the side of the road and started asking her questions but 1. she was too young and 2. I found out later she didn't speak English. I immediately called the cops. I started knocking on doors of all surrounding houses to find her family and when I found it, they seemed geniunely unconcerned and apathetic about the fact that I just plucked their (maybe)two year old from the middle of traffic on a road where the speed limit is 50mph. I let the cops know once they came which house she came from and let them know the family didn't seem to care. Seriously, the image of her in front of an oncoming truck STILL sits in my mind, years later.

    I suppose my point is that if I were in your case this would DEFINITELY raise a red flag to me. I understand shit happens and you oversleep but you should be able to hear your kid crying and leaving the house. I think I would take a combination of both approaches, try to get to know the family better before calling CPS, but if it seems like there is a theme I would definitely involve CPS.

    ReplyDelete
  2. When it comes to kids and animals I get involved. If I see a dog in a locked car on a sunny hot day, I call animal rescue.

    I called the police once when I saw girls crying in the locked parked car at Trader Joes. I waited and waited and then decided I would just call the cops.

    I would have to do something - my husband works at CPS.

    You let the officials sort it all out. I love Moms and was a young mom myself once, but the children come first.

    That's just my humble opinion.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I wouldn't be too quick to call CPS. The investigation and result could be very serious for the family. All children want their parents...just be careful!

    ReplyDelete
  4. personally i like the idea of getting to know the family. it could have been a one time trial and error, she could have had a migraine and laid down...i have been there where i was oblivious to what was happening around me because of pain or exhaustion...
    whatever...not enough to report her... and it is scary what would have happened, yet i bet she is not willing to make that mistake again, already...
    feel her out, see what her life is like =)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think, if you got a genuinely thankful, relieved response, I would not call for this one time. The girl may not have been crying in the house; she could have wandered aronund, found no one, and went out to the yard to check before panicking. This may be the first time she figured out how to unlock the door. It could have been terrible, yes, but it could be a catalyst and nothing will ever happen again. My middle son scared me quite terribly once; we had seen him try and try and he had not been able to open our sliding glass and screen doors - couldn't even budge them - until once morning I woke up and they were both open. He had gotten up in the middle of the night silent as a ninja and went to go outside; the dark must have dissuaded him, because I found him asleep on the living room couch. Thank God.

    Anyway, I would get to know the family. See how involved the parents are. See how they react to this. If they don't care, you'll know if it is likely to happen again, and you can guide them - and, if push comes to shove, call later.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm thinking it will be the best bet to get to know the family. The grandfather actually called me yesterday to thank me again and wanted to deliver over a gift card. It was a nice gesture but I still feel a little weird about the whole thing. The mother made me feel guilty for calling the grandfather to come get the little girl and actually told me several times that her dad was going to kill her. Also, I'm a little disappointed that the mom isn't the one coming over to say anything. Oh well...at least they said something about it and didn't just forget.

    ReplyDelete
  7. well, I'm glad the grandfather is involved and has apparently been admonishing his daughter. That is a good sign to me that the family is pretty concerned about the situation. Why not adopt a wait and watch policy? Getting to know the family would be a good way to allay your fears.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I have had this happen as well. I would try to get involved with the family through play dates. If the parents start to take advantage of your kindness and are not concerned about the child or the event, I think I would contact the authorities. Maybe someone else in the family would be a better match for the child involved. I think you did the right thing that day.Ssomeone in your position as a Mom , a good Mom, could not face themselves later if they(you) had not done anything. That you care really shows you are a great Mom! Congrats! I know it is bittersweet, but in the end, it all comes down to what's best for the child. God bless you! Hope this eases your mind a bit <3
    Pam Brouillard
    wv pamb at gmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh my goodness! That does sound very bizarre! That poor girl could have gotten hurt...so glad you were out and able to help. So very scary though...

    following you from the mixer.

    Whitney

    ReplyDelete
  10. I personally would have a play date and asses the situation and make a judgement call from there. I remember when we were kids my sister got out of the house with out anyone knowing and crossed the street and was knocking on the neighbors door. I have amazing parents! Sometimes these things happen. You are definitely right to be suspicious, but it could an honest though horrible mistake. That's just my take on it though.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi! Stopping in from the blog hop, via Two In Diapers. Also a new follower!

    Come by my blog if you like :)
    http://nuggetonabudget.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  12. Okay I would be so weirded out by this situation too! I would try to get to know the family sitation. Obviously if this happens again I would report it, but it could be a one time freak thing.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Poor thing--my heart just breaks for the little girl, thinking of how she must have felt so scared. I'm glad you could be there to help. Makes me want to squeeze my own little ones a little harder...found you via the link-up, BTW :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. I also like the idea of getting to know the family. You have no frame of reference as to why this happened. Getting to know them better would give you a frame of reference and then you would know if it was time to get professionals involved. You were a guardian angel for this child and her family and you should be proud that you did the right thing--but why stir up a hornets nest now that everyone is safe and sound? Mistakes do happen. Anyone here who believes they have never made one as a parent must be delusional. If I were the oversleeping mother I would be horrified and extremely diligent and holding my baby tight to me from here on out. Calling CPS would be a blow that I don't think I could handle on top of scare like that. My two cents for what it is worth! Found you from link-up--thanks for co-hosting!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I think it was really awesome of you to actually go and insure her safety. I would do the same whether the parent thought something crazy or not because they were not there. Sounds like she was really scared and that is heartbreaking. I think it would great for you to get to know them first. If they are neighbors then odds are you can't just disappear from them so if you did that then its going to cause that horrid neighborly drama. I wish you the best of luck in the situation.

    I am coming over from mommy brain-mixer. Congrats on cohosting! I connected to you GFC so I don't miss anything. You can find me @ http://www.onecreativeprocrastinatinggal.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  16. I don't know if I would call CPS. I know someone who got CPS called on them for something the kid said at school that was nothing and it was hell for them for months. It was a very nice, well to do family and it nearly tore them apart. I like the idea of trying to get to know them too. Then, if you see any signs of trouble call. Coming over from the Brain Mixer. I'm your newest follower =)

    Sarah @ Our Family of Three
    woodsfamilyofthree.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  17. I wouldn't call....I'm sure the mom is mortified and is going to be extra careful from now on.

    P.S I'm following you from the mommy brain mixer :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. wow this is a hard decision to make, sometimes it is hard to get involved in situations like this.
    I am not sure what I would do.
    I am your newest follower from the blog hop thank you for hosting

    ReplyDelete
  19. Okay first off, I'm glad to hear you helped the little girl. Since I get told that I'm a "helicopter parent" all the time.

    However, I have also been where I've been so utterly exhausted (as a single mother) that I've crashed without even realizing that I did it while having a four year old in my care. Luckily I taught her not to leave our yard, but if she had of done it there was a possiblity of her getting run over by a train. I felt horrible!!!! I also fear the "what-ifs" in life big time!!

    No parent is ever perfect, and we ALL make mistakes. Some are pretty major ones and some aren't. Some could have led to a lot of horrible "what-if" scenarios. If I was in your shoes, I'd get to know the mother better like you are thinking of doing. Even maybe offer to be a support system for her and her child. You never know God may have let you see that situation so that you can help keep the mother and daughter together. Or it very well may be that the mother honest to goodness is an unfit mother, and if that is the case, then by all means get child services involved.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I can't believe that this is actually going to leave an imprint on me as well. Years ago my mother and I babysat a little girl that was actually in the exact same situation. Running around though looking for food. Long story short, her parents were abusing her, and were found to have neglected a prior child which led to his death.
    These stories are all too real and being a mother you can't help but want to protect the world's children. I can't imagine I wouldn't have done the exact same thing. Possibly even as far as bringing her over to my house for safe keeping while calling the police.
    You weren't wrong and shouldn't feel guilty or torn.
    However, I would recommend that you keep an eye out for an suspicious activity and then make a judgement call on reporting it. No sense taking to to the highest powers for something that might have been a mere accident.

    BUT Most importantly don't lose too much sleep over it. You need to be the operational and functional mommy for your family. That's the most important thing.

    Started to follow you from the Mommy Brain Mixer!!
    Come on by!
    Jessica
    http://www.thegetfitmom.com

    ReplyDelete

I love comments from my friends! If you're a spammer, kindly leave :)