I don't know what the hell I'm doing, part 3 - Being the bad guy

"You're being mean to me!"

I hate those words. Instant gut-wrench. This has become a retort that I get from Gabriel on a daily basis. When I tell him he has watched enough cartoons? That's what I get. When I ensure that he finishes his dinner (boy doesn't like to eat, but will ask 30 minutes later for a yogurt)? I'm mean. If he needs to go on timeout for not listening? Again, mean.

I hate being the bad guy because, well frankly, it makes me feel like shit. I want to be the good guy like Adrian, the easy-going one who just gets to play and laugh and do silly things. Not the one who enforces good behavior, cares for our children's healthy diets, and insists on going to bed on time. 

When I envisioned being a parent, I mostly thought about snuggling, watching them play tee-ball and how sad I'd be the day they graduate high school. You know, the heart-warming, sweet stuff that gives you that mushy-gushy feeling in your stomach. I obviously knew that I wanted obedient, kind children, but I didn't really think it would be hard to make that a reality.

Oh boy, how I was mistaken. My boy is headstrong and precocious and  likes to push every single one of my boundaries. He doesn't just toe the line, he looks me right in the eye and steps over it. Some days I just want to say, "Fine, watch cartoons for hours!!! If it means no fighting, fine, fine, fine." But most days I don't. And Gabriel usually pitches a fit and I feel guilty and then try to figure out how to fix things. I don't want him to look back and think of me as the mean parent...the disciplinarian...

 

That's not to say we don't play, because we do. We have lots of fun all day and do things that he likes to do but when it comes down to it, I don't budge much. If he wants another juice after just finishing one, I'm not going to cave because I don't want his teeth to rot. When he keeps shoving puffs into Jonas' mouth while I'm doing dishes after I've told him three times to stop, I am going to put him in timeout for not listening.

I don't want Gabriel or Jonas to be those kids you see in stores or out and about who run their parents' lives and tell them what to do. You know the kids...the ones who are laying on the floor in Vons because they want Mom to buy them candy, and you mentally shake your head when you see her cave because that, my friends, is called enabling. Who give their kids whatever they want, just because they don't want to put up with a fight.

I'm trying to find a healthy balance between maintaining the rules and expectations in our house and letting the reins go a little. I realize that there is nothing wrong with a treat every now and then because, well, some rules are meant to be broken anyway, right?

What role do you hold in your household?

How do you find balance between disciplinarian and fun parent?