In fact, I've been really excited to have some "free" time in the morning (there's still Jonas, but at least he takes less brain work) to do housework, shopping, catching up on shows, etc.
This morning I called the school we chose and asked them if it would be okay for me to drop off his application and a check so he could start next week.
Let's just say, I was very unprepared for my feelings as soon as I got into the car to drive over to the school. There were butterflies. Lots of them! And some major second guessing going on in my head. What if his teacher sucks? What if the kids at school are mean to him or teach him bad things? What if he cries every day that I leave him and I have to feel like an awful, mean parent for making him go?
When he went to daycare, I knew the woman who watched him and she was fabulous. We were totally lucky to have her. I knew some of the kids who went and I felt like I had a little control. Once he walks away from me and into that school next week, he is out of my bubble of protection, left vulnerable to the world of baddies (and goodies). How am I to keep him safe and innocent - my baby?
He starts on Wednesday and I know he's nervous, too. He was shy when we went today, not wanting to talk to anyone, and that makes this even worse. Maybe this is a sign. Maybe he needs a few more months at home, sheltered, with me so I can keep him snuggled under my wings for just a a little longer.
But maybe it means that he needs to stretch his boundaries a little, establish himself outside of me and this little pocket of sunshine that I've kept him so safely tucked into. I have a feeling I'll drop him off and he will cry a little, maybe a lot, but by the time I've picked him up with his belly full of lunch, he'll cheerfully hop into my car and tell me about all the cool, fun things kids do. And I'l totally be happy wit that.
Be warned though, if on Wednesday morning from 8am - 12:30pm, you speak to me and I'm a weepy, sobby little mess - you know why.
*Side note, maybe some of you have seen this already since I've seen it posted three or four times around, but I couldn't help but share because just, wow. This is how I feel about Gabriel. Like I can feel his life speeding by me and before I know it, he'll be 12 years old. It made me laugh and smile and then cry and then put an emotional pit of something gooey in my tummy that I can't explain.
Good luck! I did a co-op preschool with my son and it was still hard! He's in Kindergarten this year and that was even tougher but he's gotten through it (and so have I) :)
ReplyDeleteThanks...it's going to be so hard! I don't even want to think about Kindergarten...that gives me hives thinking about it, haha.
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