Cancer sucks

When I was a freshman in high school, a boy I grew up with was diagnosed with cancer.

During my sophomore year of high school, one of my very close friend's brother passed away from cancer.

In August of my senior year, the boy I was friends with passed away.

At the start of 2010, my youngest brother - a freshman in high school - was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma.



Since then, I can count at least five people in my life who have been affected by cancer and it pisses me off. I'm angry that there is no real cure. That it doesn't matter if you are "cancer-free," because that sneaky little snake of a disease can slither it's way back into your life without notice.

This morning my brother, now a healthy, active senior in his school - is visiting his oncologist because he's having recurring headaches, night sweats and a raised temperature, very similar symptoms to his initial diagnosis.

I realize it could be anything...the flu, a coincidence, him working himself up because he's scared. This has happened before where he's gotten so upset about a possible symptom that he makes himself sick with worry, only to find out he's okay. On the other hand, I've done my research. I know the relapse rates for Stage III and that scares the living shit out of me.

He is my baby brother. I changed his diapers for crying out loud. I've watched him grow into a young man that I am proud of, who has potential to do great things. He's become one of my best friends and I love him, regardless of some of the dumb, idiotic stuff that weenie little teenagers do.

I hated hearing the fear in his voice this morning before his appointment, knowing that he's thinking the absolute worst. His nightmare is that it will come back again; he still can't even go to the hospital where he was treated without vomiting in the parking lot.

I despise the fact that every time my brother feels ill for an extended period of time, we have to worry that it might be back. That our worlds might be rocked again. That it could come back worse than before.

This post is morbid and I'm sorry for that, but I'm just having one of those pissed-off-at-the-world-and-all-of-the-shitty-things-in-it days. Next week, we'll probably get scans and blood work back that are clean and we'll all go about our merry way again...right?