Am I a helicopter parent?

Before I had Gabriel, I was convinced I would be one of the "cool" moms, the one who let things slide, who didn't hover, who granted complete privacy at all times. It was a sign of my young age - naivety - I think, to believe that I would be different from what I was accustomed to. I didn't understand all of the complexities, complications, anxieties that come along with being a parent.

I remember saying, "I will never EVER force my child to do something they don't want to do, be it a sport or whatever," not knowing that I might have a hesitant, anxious child who feared anything new. I can remember thinking that my child would not need to be disciplined harshly because he/they would be little angels. We would treat them like adults and they would react as such.

Clearly, I had not experienced parenting a three-year old.

My parents were strict, protective, and felt that if they needed to invade our privacy, hover over us to encourage our growth, then so be it. I saw it as them being intrusive and overbearing, especially since I was always a straight-A student and very well-behaved. A 9 pm curfew at 16 seemed ridiculous.

Looking back, I understand now. 

The world is full of scary things and scary people. I want my kids to be the very best version of themselves. My parents gave me an ultimatum of babysitting my siblings encouraged me to be involved in everything I could: baseball (and then later, softball), volleyball, basketball, gymnastics, school clubs, work, swimming lessons, horseback riding. I feel that I am well-rounded because of their push. I want my kids to experience all that life has to offer, without regrets, the way that I did. 

However, I find myself thinking sometimes, how far is too far? What is my role in all of this? These feelings were exacerbated at Gabriel's first gymnastics class. If you've been around a while, you read about our experiences when he started preschool. It was really tough and he had a hard time adjusting. Well, gymnastics was no different.

He was excited about going, about having his "own" gym, up until the moment it was time to walk out onto the gym floor. He cried and said he wouldn't go so I walked him out there, sat down next to him and encouraged him to participate but he was being stubborn - he just wouldn't do it. Instead he clung to my arm and tried to lay down. 

It bugs the shit out of me that he is scared to try new things, but it's hard to be mad about it because I realize I can be the same way. It took me months and months to go to a Mom's Group event out in the Valley because I was intimidated by the thought of meeting new people, no matter how lonely and depressed I actually was. It wasn't until I met another mom separately that I felt comfortable enough to go. Even then, I didn't go to any other events.

Back to Wednesday. So after a couple of minutes of him not wanting to do anything, I said, "Okay, if you aren't going to participate, I'm going to go stand by Daddy." I did; Adrian told me to walk outside to see what would happen. Adrian said that as soon as I walked out, he started to play around. When I came in 5 minutes later, he was literally a different person. He was energetic and laughing and bouncing around like a wild child!

Later that week, he attended his first hockey lesson at a new rink. He has been to skating classes before and has never loved them but we feel like he needs to stick with it for a while and eventually (hopefully) he will come around. HE CRIED THROUGH THE ENTIRE LESSON. Literally.

So I find myself thinking regularly: am I too involved? Am I hindering his development as a human being by sheltering him from the fears that allow him to grow into his own person? I don't ever want him to think I'm abandoning him or that I would let him do something that was genuinely scary, yet I don't want him to be so afraid of simple things that he refuses to try anything new.

My goal is to step back. Not far back, just back. Let him be his own person. Encourage him to try new things without me hovering closely to make sure he is "okay."

How do you handle the balance between hovering and sitting back with your own kids? Do you think one side or the other is more beneficial?