the quiet

I'm finally living in the quiet. The whirlwind of life took over the last five days and I've turned off the TV and shut my ears and it's finally calm here. 

We've been to San Diego and back three times since Friday, birthed a baby, had visitors, celebrated birthdays, attended doctors' appointments, coped with pain, laughed and cried, played with babies and big boys and lost a lot of sleep.

I know that soon he'll sleep and the bleary-crying-can-I-handle-this(!?) eyes won't last forever, which makes me just as happy as sad because we're already moving at light speed. Fives days he's been here and I love the newborn smells and the tiny feet and watching him while he sleeps all day. 

And all of this baby smell makes me realize that my other baby isn't a baby anymore and I want to tell him to just stop it now. Stay where you are and don't grow another inch and lets pause today. Because tomorrow marks another day that you're older and wiser and will need me just a little less.

I'm happy and content and overwhelmed and have that pain in my chest that tells me I'm scared but it's okay because these boys are beautiful. Coffee and kisses make everything okay.