Precious cargo

Anyone who has tried for more than a few months to get pregnant will tell you that it always happen when you stop trying for it.

In March, I was so frustrated that we hadn't gotten pregnant that I stressed my body out and made it have a crazy long cycle. I kept taking pregnancy tests thinking that my period still hadn't come and I must be pregnant, but really it wasn't coming because it was reacting to my emotional upheaval. So, in April, marking the 6th month of trying, I threw up my hands and said whatever. I didn't really have time to think about it anyway because I was busy finishing up my class and dealing with work. I didn't track my ovulation since I really didn't know when it would come anyway, based on last month's long cycle. May came around and I kept thinking, "I must have really effed up my period because it's going crazy again this month!" But at about 35-ish days and no period, I started to get suspicious...

Gabriel and I went to Target on Saturday morning, May 14th, and I picked up a pack of Clear Blue pregnancy tests, the same I used when I found out I was pregnant with Gabriel. Adrian was still sleeping, so we came home, I peed on the stick and set it on the counter. I tried to keep busy because let me tell you, those CB's take for-e-verrrrrrrr to process. I made Gabriel and I some waffles, went back to it, and what do you think I saw!!! That perfect little word that I'd been hoping to see, "pregnant!" I sent Gabriel in with the positive test to wake up Adrian and of course he was overjoyed. We thought we'd keep it quiet until my appointment this coming Wednesday, but since everyone basically already knows, we're kind of over that... 

What I find most interesting is the difference in all of our reactions this time around versus when I found out about Gabriel. He is truly the best part of my life, but when I found out I was pregnant with him, I thought my life was over and my world was crashing down. Now, I feel like I cheated myself out of being happy and enjoying all of the different aspects of that pregnancy, because this time, being sick carries special meaning. It means this baby is still safe and comfortable. I remember being bitter about Adrian having a drink whereas this time, I savor my sobriety, knowing that I'm carrying such special cargo. I was immature, whereas now, I feel prepared and hopeful.

I'm looking forward to the special time I'll have bonding with this unnamed, unknown little child before the world gets to see or meet him/her. For now, this baby is all mine to snuggle in my womb and keep safe.