Goal 3, check!

Previous weight: 156.4
Current weight: 154.6
Total amount lost: 10.4

Thank you, Lord, for showing me some pity on that scale! I really worked my butt of this week eating healthy and it paid off.

Goal 1 was 5 lbs, goal 2 was 5% (8.4lbs), goal 3 was 10lbs. My next goal is 10%, a total of 16lbs. I'm so close!

Now if I can make it through the weekend...

Happy Day, Earth!

 In honor of Earth Day and the cold, cleansing rain pouring down outside, I thought I'd take a moment to jot down a few beginnings I'm either looking forward to in the near future or wanting to initiate into my life.

First and foremost: the idea of moving is getting closer and closer! Now, if only I could get my renters to start paying rent, then we could we move out this weekend if we so decided.
    Sidenote: I never imagined being a landlord would be this ridiculous! Instead of receiving a check once a month without complaint or question, I'm constantly investigating and tracking down what new phone number the renters may have or leaving voicemails on the  one of twenty numbers I do have. What seemed like a breeze has turned into a hurricane.

This posting was not meant for complaints, so let me continue...

Secondly, I feel as if I'm am doing about -50 on a scale of 1-100 in my effort to help the environment. Now maybe this realization stems from the fact that there was a huge Earth Day Festival article in the Union Tribune a few days ago, or the fact that I've been reading a great book called The UnHealthy Truth, but I feel it's an important commitment to make not only to other human beings on our planet, but the plants, animals, water, etc...You get the picture. In my younger wanted-to-be-a-hippy-but-really-it-just-meant-wearing-a-tie-dye-shirt days, I thought it would be nice to do it just because it's trendy. But now, my feelings are slowly changing. I want to recycle, I want to eat and buy locally, I want to get involved in a local farmer's co-op. When we move out, get ready for an excuse, I plan to do so. I know, I know, why not now? Well it's a lot more difficult in our current living situation. But I promise! We will be making a concerted effort to do some of these things, and hopefully others as I continue to do research in the area.

To tie into my last paragraph, this book has made me aware (and still is, as I'm slowly getting through it) of the ever-rising number of children who are being diagnosed with food allergies, asthma, auto-immune diseases, and a whole slew of other things that are ravaging their bodies. This is one of my other reasons for wanting to switch to organically grown, little-to-no hormones, and reduce the amount of processed foods we eat. Of course, this will be much to the dismay of my son who currently chooses to live off of Goldfish and Gerber snacks, regardless of the tasty veggies I try to disguise as avocados.

Next, I really, really, really want to go back to school. It's funny because when I was attending Pepperdine, I kept telling anyone who would listen, "I am so jealous of you! You get to work and not take anything back home with you. No homework, no papers...I'm out of here as soon as I get that diploma!" I wouldn't say I miss homework or papers, but I do miss learning. I miss the random facts I would learn in Psychology and dissecting sheeps' brains in Biology. Most of all, I think I miss working towards a major goal. I'm not sure I'll do grad school, as I pretty much ruined that opportunity since I thought I'd never want to go. I'd love to go back and major in English, then continue to get my teaching credential. The appeal of a credential is so great because I would be able to spend summers with my little boy, as well as be off in the evenings to have dinner on the table! I know it would be a lot of work, raising a family, working, and going to school, but how many mothers, sometimes even single (!), have done it? I can count at least 5 or 6, my mother included, who have worked wonders while going to school. Even if I have to start back at Grossmont, it's worth a shot; I'm young and have time to kill.

Lastly, and again tied into some earlier stuff, I want to start living a healthier lifestyle. Because I'm so young, it's easy to use the excuse of age for not taking care of myself. I have to time to kill (literally!). But really, not really. I want my son to know that exercise, eating right, little TV, and sleep are all important components of living a complete and healthy lifestyle. The only thing I think Adrian and I have going is the sleep!

Anyway, those are my thoughts for the day...I hope at least it passed some time for you at your desk!

Hawaii, house-hunting, and a slice of humble pie

Anthony has finally decided on a "wish." For those of you don't know, my brother was diagnosed in December with Hodgkins Lymphoma. Because of this, he has been given the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be granted a wish by the Make a Wish Foundation. After much angst and deliberation, he has finally decided that he wants to take the family for a week long trip in Hawaii. He is able to take my parents and sister free of charge; if we go, they will set everything up but we hand over a check. 

At first, I was completely committed to making it happen; I even told Adrian that we would be there come hell or high water--meaning we would forgo moving out for a while in order to lay on those white beaches. Now, I'm kind of wishing I would have bitten my tongue. The days are flying by and we are no closer to being on our own again than I am to my goal weight (which obviously is far off...). I miss my clothes, my shoes, the comfort of my very own bed that are in storage; I miss my brand new pots and pans, the uncomfortable couch, and our older-than-dirt dresser.


In an effort to appease my family while still satisfying our desire to reunite with our belongings, we're going to take it day by day. Once the budget has been decided for the trip, we'll decide if we can afford it while living on our own. If we can, we can. If not, such is life. Both of us have been to Hawaii so I don't feel as bad!

On the house-hunt front, we're going to start hitting it hard. Ideally we'd like to be moving by mid-May; I think that's pretty reasonable and I have to admit, I'm counting down the days. Not that I don't appreciate the generosity we've been shown, but I am ready. The question is, where do we go? Do we stay in the country-but-not-too-country town of Alpine or settle in the hip, quirky neighborhoods of North Park? 

Adrian and I are extremely concerned with the long-term effects of staying in East County for Gabriel. I have seen firsthand, and Adrian is quickly seeing, what happens to young men that get trapped on the mountain. Not that this area does not produce functional human beings, as I am the result of 13 years in a community where the options we had were this or that: get high in the bushes or find a more constructive outlet. I refuse to take that chance with my son and future children. I love Alpine, and a few other places here in East County. However, the real tie we have that is physically keeping us here is daycare. As soon as that situation can be changed, we will be out of here. 


Aside from Craigslist searching and Priceline browsing, things have been quite uneventful. Adrian is away tonight in Calexico hopefully nailing jobs that will put a little love in our bank account. This past weekend we were overjoyed to visit with his best friend Jimmy who was taking the Police Academy test here in San Diego. We met up at the Wave House for drinks and a light lunch; it was so relaxing and fun! They have a man-made circulating wave where boarders can try their luck at various twists and flips within a certain time frame. While watching these bleached hair, sun kissed dare-devils, I was simultaneously feeding Gabriel; I muttered to Adrian, "Milk...," assuming he'd understand, I just wanted Gabriel's sippy. He emphasized a "Please." I realized my mistake; I have never intentionally, at least to my knowledge, disrespected my husband. Not when we were dating, nor into our marriage. I forget sometimes, get caught up in my role as a mother, that he is a man who deserves some attention, loving words, and a bit of kindness. 

As a wife, it's important to treat our husbands the same way we'd treat someone of great stature, with respect. I'd like to think I'm not the only one who makes the occasional oversight. I know I get caught up in the diapers, the cooking, the laundry...basically anything other than my husband. His comment was a needed, albeit a little frigid, reminder to start loving him a little more.

The night I became a mother

I would say my son is a relatively healthy toddler. We clamored our way through the first 12 months with nothing more than a cold or two. I heartily believe it is a combination between the fact that we spent 356 long, arduous, rewarding (and mutually frustrating) days exclusively breastfeeding and that we resigned ourselves to a self-induced seclusion most of the time. I guess you could say that I stay pretty healthy as well; I very nearly escaped the winter season with only the sniffles. Adrian, however, has been sick just about every weekend for the past few months. Side note: funny, how his "headaches" conveniently show up on the weekends when he has time to sleep in... 

I digress; Gabriel was sick for literally the last two weeks, starting two weekends ago, with the last weekend being the worst. I took him in the Tuesday prior and was told that I am the overly-concerned parent of a child with a cold. Now, for those of you who are mothers: you know when there is something wrong with your child. It's embedded in your very being the moment that child pops out your lady-parts (or in my case, was plucked from my belly). He was miserable; sick, inconsolable, uncomfortable, despondent. After four nights of waking, we hit our low point. He woke up around 9:30pm and for the first time in his life, at least while he's been mobile in some way, he fell asleep in my arms. I gently laid him in bed and quietly tip-toed out the door. My husband, God bless him, was sick in bed asleep.

Not an hour later, my poor baby (and by baby, I mean child, not husband) was screaming from his bedroom. My in-laws were in town and my Nana helped, but really, he just wanted his mama. 

He screamed, I walked. I walked, and I walked, and I walked from 10:30pm until about 1:30am. It was the only thing that kept him calm and a small price to pay for his comfort. The next day I was exhausted, eyes burning, head pounding. I thought about all the things people had said about motherhood; the sleepless nights, the teething, terrible twos. How I would get used to not sleeping and not having a life of my own. Well, I'm still not used to not sleeping and I get selfish every now and then. But that night, I walked. And I snuggled. I was surrounded by a grandmother and great-grandmother who had been in my shoes, who had walked the walk. That night, I felt like I came a little bit closer to becoming the mother I aspire to be.