Small step for American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, one giant step for Jessica

Most of you know that when I was pregnant with Gabriel, I had a strict agenda. I thought that because I had a plan, everything would go my way and my way was going to be a natural, vaginal birth. I read all the books and everything said that if you let one intervention in, you better throw that "natural" birth to the wayside because cesarean, here you come! Epidural babies come out tired and lethargic, the chemicals are bad for them, etc, etc, etc...this is why I had a plan. No drugs, no interventions, energetic, non-chemical'd newborn. And then real labor set it. Not to pat myself on the back or anything, but when I started having gut-wrenching contractions at 2am, I took it in stride. I, of course, left the room so as not to wake up my snoring husband boyfriend, put on my iPod and got ready for the real deal.

Fast forward 18 hours and you have me writhing in pain at the hospital, enduring 30 seconds-1 minute apart contractions and promising my firstborn to whoever would end my pain. Another two hours go by and I've thrown caution and the chemical concerns to the wind while I lay comfortably with a huge tube in my spine and a pitocin drip (another no-no in my previously "natural" birth plan). When it was time for the grand finale, nothing. Or I guess you could say something: doctors and nurses rushing here and there, flipping me from side to side, back to front. Finally, after trying to get things going for a few minutes, the doctor informed me that my precious little chemical-infused child has the cord wrapped around his neck and our only option was an emergency cesarean.

Lets fast forward once more to my 6-week post-natal appointment with Dr. Torres. I was already thinking ahead like the true planner/control-freak that I am to my next child (who, for your information, is not in any sort of short term plan for us, at least at this moment in time) and this infamous VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) that I have heard so much about. His immediate response, "No." "But, but..." I stammer. "I know Xamount of people who have done it and why not and I know it's possible and..." He gave scary concerns such as uterine rupture and bleeding out as his primary reasons for ruling it out. He said that all of Ventura County had stopped performing them because supposedly the risks outweighed the benefits and ruptures were happening far too often (if my memory serves me correctly, it occurs in less than 1% of all VBACs).

Needless to say, I felt cheated. Kind of like a failure, too. Like if I hadn't had that epidural, everything would have progressed like it was supposed to and the cord wouldn't have been wrapped around his neck and my plan would have worked. I come from the belief that giving birth (and breastfeeding!!!) is what a woman, no matter if you choose to have children or not, was born to do. Our bodies were made for this and as such, can handle the pain of childbirth. I felt like because I had doubted my ability to handle the pain, I was sort of being punished. Anyway, I attempted to justify it by saying that I would never have to worry about roast beef vagina (sorry for the disgusting visual!), rips, and all the other shitty parts that come with having a normal, everyday delivery. I really tried to make myself feel better about this whole situation, but I've never been able to find total peace with it. I loved the feeling that my body knew what to do in order to bring my son into the world. Birth is, in all of its bloody glory, a beautiful thing. To know that I would never experience contractions, labor, the anxious, nervous anticipation of it all, that was tough.

I'm sure you can imagine my excitement when I read this. Essentially, it says that women like me who had a relatively normal labor and ended up with a cesarean for emergency reasons very well may be a candidate again for a VBAC. Research has been conducted and now they believe that for some of us, the benefits do outweigh the risks. That for me, I get a chance to have a re-do. Hopefully. It will still be case-by-case and the fact that I had an extra tear in my uterus certainly isn't in my favor, but I will beg, plead, and probably promise my second-born to whoever will help. Not that I'm having any more anytime soon. And I definitely don't have baby on the brain, can't you tell?

Happy Birthday, brother

Brother, it has been 14 months since I've seen your face. I'm sure Japan is nice, but I'm ready for you to come home now. I'm counting down the days until you get off that plane in December. I want you to know that I am proud of you. Proud of how far you've come and proud of where you're going. You have become a responsible, albeit cooky, respectful, strong young man. I love you, happy 20th birthday. May this year bring you blessings.

"Ballas on a budget" as my husband would say

Minus the fact that ballas we are not, a budget we are on. We've decided to go the typical route--less eating out, less splurging on nothing-specials, and more budget spreadsheets and crunching numbers. We've opened a second checking account so that we can pay our bills out of one and take care of gas, food, and other variable expenses from another. We've also set up an automatic withdrawal to our savings...hopefully all these things will help us to pay off our credit cards so that we can buy some new furniture and someday maybe get a full time nanny for Gabriel. 

Now, I love finding great budget-friendly knick-knacks and this weekend was no exception. It started with a trip to Henry's Market, which has become my new favorite grocery store. I have been wanting to go organic and local for a while and Henry's is perfect for that. The previous week, I took a trip to Fresh and Easy, whose promise is to provide lower prices by keeping their operating costs low. I liked the mission so I decided to shop there; true, their prices were low and I was sufficiently pleased with my purchases. However, not just a few days later, after planning a menu including the asparagus I had just purchased, I opened the fridge to find that they had a slightly fishy stink and were already quite slimy. I decided to try Henry's next, as they have a similar promise, to bring you locally grown, natural, sometimes- depending on the product-organic foods. I fell in love with store! They let you buy all sorts of things in bulk like pretzels, flour, sugar, granola, etc. There are fresh fruits and vegetables galore and plenty of fresh, organic, low-cost meats and cheeses. It's like a little slice of heaven in there. Adrian and I walked out with about 10 grocery bags full of food, 4 bottles of wine, and a 6 pack of beer for the low price of $135.48. I would say it was quite the success!

On Saturday morning, Adrian and I decided to go garage-sale-ing and then to Ikea, another huge success. We found a large wine cabinet with a marble top, an ironing board, some books for Gabriel and other little things for about $300. Ikea was more expensive obviously, but we were able to find rods and curtains for all of the windows in our house, a cabinet to house our cable box and dvd player, and a large mirror for the living room. It was a great day although now my house is littered with tons of tools, empty boxes, and plastic wrappings from the work we've been putting in. Today will be dedicated to looooots of cleaning. Happy 5th of July!