Small step for American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, one giant step for Jessica

Most of you know that when I was pregnant with Gabriel, I had a strict agenda. I thought that because I had a plan, everything would go my way and my way was going to be a natural, vaginal birth. I read all the books and everything said that if you let one intervention in, you better throw that "natural" birth to the wayside because cesarean, here you come! Epidural babies come out tired and lethargic, the chemicals are bad for them, etc, etc, etc...this is why I had a plan. No drugs, no interventions, energetic, non-chemical'd newborn. And then real labor set it. Not to pat myself on the back or anything, but when I started having gut-wrenching contractions at 2am, I took it in stride. I, of course, left the room so as not to wake up my snoring husband boyfriend, put on my iPod and got ready for the real deal.

Fast forward 18 hours and you have me writhing in pain at the hospital, enduring 30 seconds-1 minute apart contractions and promising my firstborn to whoever would end my pain. Another two hours go by and I've thrown caution and the chemical concerns to the wind while I lay comfortably with a huge tube in my spine and a pitocin drip (another no-no in my previously "natural" birth plan). When it was time for the grand finale, nothing. Or I guess you could say something: doctors and nurses rushing here and there, flipping me from side to side, back to front. Finally, after trying to get things going for a few minutes, the doctor informed me that my precious little chemical-infused child has the cord wrapped around his neck and our only option was an emergency cesarean.

Lets fast forward once more to my 6-week post-natal appointment with Dr. Torres. I was already thinking ahead like the true planner/control-freak that I am to my next child (who, for your information, is not in any sort of short term plan for us, at least at this moment in time) and this infamous VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) that I have heard so much about. His immediate response, "No." "But, but..." I stammer. "I know Xamount of people who have done it and why not and I know it's possible and..." He gave scary concerns such as uterine rupture and bleeding out as his primary reasons for ruling it out. He said that all of Ventura County had stopped performing them because supposedly the risks outweighed the benefits and ruptures were happening far too often (if my memory serves me correctly, it occurs in less than 1% of all VBACs).

Needless to say, I felt cheated. Kind of like a failure, too. Like if I hadn't had that epidural, everything would have progressed like it was supposed to and the cord wouldn't have been wrapped around his neck and my plan would have worked. I come from the belief that giving birth (and breastfeeding!!!) is what a woman, no matter if you choose to have children or not, was born to do. Our bodies were made for this and as such, can handle the pain of childbirth. I felt like because I had doubted my ability to handle the pain, I was sort of being punished. Anyway, I attempted to justify it by saying that I would never have to worry about roast beef vagina (sorry for the disgusting visual!), rips, and all the other shitty parts that come with having a normal, everyday delivery. I really tried to make myself feel better about this whole situation, but I've never been able to find total peace with it. I loved the feeling that my body knew what to do in order to bring my son into the world. Birth is, in all of its bloody glory, a beautiful thing. To know that I would never experience contractions, labor, the anxious, nervous anticipation of it all, that was tough.

I'm sure you can imagine my excitement when I read this. Essentially, it says that women like me who had a relatively normal labor and ended up with a cesarean for emergency reasons very well may be a candidate again for a VBAC. Research has been conducted and now they believe that for some of us, the benefits do outweigh the risks. That for me, I get a chance to have a re-do. Hopefully. It will still be case-by-case and the fact that I had an extra tear in my uterus certainly isn't in my favor, but I will beg, plead, and probably promise my second-born to whoever will help. Not that I'm having any more anytime soon. And I definitely don't have baby on the brain, can't you tell?